I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
