Don't you send me to vm
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
