you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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