I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize