wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
