Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You are the jesus of drinking
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
