ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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