um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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