Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
