I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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