Where did you get a picture of my penis
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
