I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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