now i know why i became what i already was.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
