I cockslap morals
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
