I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
