imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
