I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
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tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
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I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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