Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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