The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
