I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
