dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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