When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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