Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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