My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Vodka?
Forever.
I fill condoms, not promises.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
