What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
