Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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