Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
