is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
