We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
