Apparently you make a good broom.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
