Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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