Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
