yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
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You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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