super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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