there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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