Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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