My hair reeks of homosexuality.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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