I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
