you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
