nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
