he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize