we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
