birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
