Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
