She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
