You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
