If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
