you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just found puke in my bra..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
