I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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