Kareoke will never be a sober sport
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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