There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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