i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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