i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
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When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
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I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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