Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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