I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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