Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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