Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
